You smell like a Billy Joel song
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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