just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
