i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
