Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
