he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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