Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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