sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
third nipple confirmed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
