I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
