today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize