Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
