I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize