hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
