My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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