i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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