i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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