Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
