I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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