You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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