Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
