if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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