Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
