Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize