If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
