It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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