I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
