I wish I only lived at night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
