he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
