She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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