It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
