In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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