We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
