he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
