so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
