there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
