The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize