I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
