she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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