we made out on top of his cat.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
