Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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