I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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