I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
