Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
