and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i drank out of a bidet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have aggressive nipples.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
