MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
