Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
