just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
