when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
