He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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