All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
