Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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