Sry I called you an 8
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
