You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
