My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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