You just made me feel so damn special
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
