are you still at the devil's house?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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