It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Houston, we have a squirter
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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