I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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