'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
