Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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