Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
