his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
