Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
