New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
