I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
