so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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