Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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