i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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