I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
