Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
