apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
