i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
