i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
