I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
