I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize