Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
