there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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