Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
