I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
