He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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