its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize