At least make sure they are 18
Why
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
