He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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