you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
