.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And then he peed in my hair
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
