dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
