And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
