Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
