I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
