i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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