I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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