i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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