whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
