she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
