i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Every concussion has its silver lining
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
