I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
