when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
