all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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