if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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