I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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