grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
