how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
