8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
