sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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