The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
