Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
