i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to align my fucking chakras
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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