I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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