I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
