i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
