Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
