I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think i have herpe
just one?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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