Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
