I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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